Loving again after divorce, introducing your children to your new partner
Sometimes the Universe throws us a curveball. I have just recently watched & howled with laughter ( again ! ) at a film I love, Mrs Doubtfire. A fabulous film about how divorce or seperation affects the children in a relationship that breaks down. I know that some people find Robin Williams too much, but I love this film. I was, however, a little perturbed why it was overwhelming my mind during a recent reading. I had agreed to give a reading at short notice & was reading for a very well presented lady who wasn’t about to give anything away. Every time I turned a card another hilarious moment from the movie flooded my mind. Normally in this circumstance I apologise & explain that I am just not picking up anything of value & can’t continue. However on this occasion, I took my chance. Steeling the very well presented businesswoman in the eye I took a chance. ” Has a relationship recently broken down involving a laid back partner that has impacted children ?”. Her smile cracked, I knew I was right. The next cards turned were the Fool, the Page of Cups & the Page of Wands. ” He is a bit of a joker, one child, a girl artistic, creative. A boy distant, dreamy & emotional ? “. Bam ! There it was on the table, Thank You Mrs Doubtfire a great reading indeed, even if I say so myself !.
If a relationship breaks down & you meet someone else, how do you go about :
Introducing a new partner to your children
So, your kids have decided that they do not want you to go on a date. They are not happy with your decision. The children may have feelings of abandonment or fears of losing you to another person. One of the easiest ways that you can reassure your kids and help them cope is by telling them that you are going to be there for them and that they are not going to lose you.
Your actions should convey this message as well. You want to make your kids as comfortable and calm as possible. The more stressed your children are, the less your chances will be for successful dating. When your children are comfortable and secure, they will fight you much less and in some cases they will even give you their blessings about dating.
In most cases children will fight for their parent is attention. This is due to the fact that they believe since they had you first they should be able to keep you all to themselves and not have to share you with someone else. You are theirs and you belong to them. If you make your children feel secure and let them know that they are just sharing you and that they are not losing you to another person, you can help to resolve the situation easily and calmly. Make it easy for your child to understand. Compare it to them sharing a toy or special item with a friend. They are much more likely to respond appropriately if they fully understand what is going on and can process it.
Let the child know that you need to spend time with an adult friend doing things as adults. Oftentimes children will want to tag along. You need to be very clear about the fact that this is adult time and not children. Let them know that there will be times that you can do things with them and that they will be invited along. However, make sure that they also know that there will be times that are spent away from them and solely in the company of another adult. Again, make things as easy and simple to understand as possible.
As your relationship progresses, you will want to start including your kids in things that you do with your mate. This is important for a variety of reasons. You want to make sure that your kids are a part of the life and the relationship. You do not want them to feel left out. You also get a chance to see how the person that you are dating deals with your kids. This can be a huge factor in where the relationship goes in the future. You do not want to be with someone that does not treat your children properly.
Talk with your child about their thoughts and feelings after the first time that they spend time with you and your mate. They will more than likely have a wide range of emotions and feelings. Process all of their emotions with them and talk about all of them. If you find that your child is unhappy or does not like your date, find out what the reasoning for this is.
Learn about all that your child is feeling and why. This will help you to deal with the situation and work towards the greatest harmony between everyone involved.
As always, I wish you only the best .. Paul